the first post

Everyone seems to be blogging and at one point I wanted to be a writer, so here I am...  Anyway, I was doing reading for my class today while Keenan was in class and it was in the book "4 v's of leadership" by Shaw. Anyway, at the end of the chapter it was talking about what would your legacy be? and what would you like to be remembered for?  That got me upset for some reason and then happy.   Well I guess I could go back to what I wanted to be in high school.  I wanted to be next jim Morrison, or maybe Jack Kerouac?  I wanted to be a crazy poet/ rockstar, lead singer and influence the world in a huge way.  I wanted to be large and wild. I was kind of wild and crazy and drunk but I could never get used to the crowd part. It was really intimidating being a girl and being the frontman (or woman in my case) I didn't like when guys would come up and say that I could sing well for a girl, or that I was good but, "rock n roll is not for girls." (I should have come to Olympia sooner)  There was more, but I didn't always feel that my bandmates backed me up as well. Well, looking back they did, but I put 200 times more pressure on myself to be perfect because I felt i had to prove those people wrong. i ended up losing my voice a lot and not singing out sometimes, which made it hard to be a drunken, sexy buffon on stage like Jim Morrison. I got more and more stage fright and found it hard to have my own voice so I let it go.  So then  I went to write in the woods of Washington like Jack Kerouac, who i found so wild and free and profound as a young girl looking through naive eyes.  When I got here, I found the pen was dry, but there were lots of adventures to be had and followed.   There was a lot of fun and philosophy at evergreen state college but finally that road lead me to KAOS radio's doors.  KAOS was awesome because I could share my love of music and I learned as fast as I could listen, to all kinds of tiny little indie gems.  I also could be on the air and be the kind of quiet rockstar in a way that I wanted to be, but from behind the curtain.  Anyway, back to the question at hand, what would my legacy be?  I hope that my KAOS time has lead a little bit of a legacy of good music and enjoyable programming. I want to be known as someone who helped the community and is a loving, compassionate person.  I want to be be remembered as a fun and loving person who did things for the music community and local community in general. I don't really want to be Jim Morrison or Jack Kerouac anymore.  They had  problems dealing with reality and the world. They were too large and too sad.  I was drunk and sad when I was younger and wanted the world and wanted it now.  As I am older, I want to raise my son and be a good mother and wife.  I still get restless. I still get yearnings to see the world and what is out there and be wild and free but the next day I would miss my son and family and want to come home.  I love music and singing and writing and crafting.  I would like to be in a higher position at a radio station. I think i could be a rockstar at that now.  The high school me might laugh at the me now but I think if she saw what we have now she would understand.